city girl

on the green side of the drive it is open windows and laughter. but once things close up on the road, so does my chest. like a scared dog i gnash teeth and claw, the grey skies clouding my vision and awareness, negativity leaking into my blood where once there was fresh oxygen. finally, avoiding death, we park, but the aftermath of vehicular stress is already deep in my marrow.

shaking on the streets, there is luckily refuge above, twelve stories, in the home of a friend who is away. i storm there, growling at anyone who looks at me, especially the men and the crazies. for i am crazy myself with anger toward the existence of such a place.

then, a knapsack off my back, a big breath, a quiet room.

and the realisation that in only two short weeks i've transformed back into a country mouse, further proof that most likely i always was, despite a decade of trying otherwise.

in trinity bellwoods park, my love, now reconciled, reminds me i live away from here and that this is only a visit. with a kiss, a roti, and a rock show i'm relatively revived. by morning, again willing and walking the streets. early morning streetcar, knee socks, muffin from the cafe... it ain't so bad.

and by mid afternoon, returning from a quick and easy jaw appointment (TMJ gone), sashaying, wanting to sing aloud. for i am young, free, and visiting a great and beautiful city! expensive meals, pleasantries with strangers, heck, a massage appointment for friday at a shmancy yorkville spa (insurance covered of course). this is good, yeah, this is alright.